Horoscope for the Week starting 11 May 2009

Hello and welcome to my new, weekly horoscope!  I was doing my crystal ball a disservice, too much work and too little pay.  Now let’s hope it will be in it for the long haul.

This week will start on a chilly note, and a hood on your jumpers (both physical and emotional) might be in order.  But don’t dismay!  Soon, Tuesday will dawn, bright as a clean slate for you to take to with your crayons and your tongue sticking out.  You’ll find you might be a bit rusty at first; the fish doesn’t look quite so much tropical as lurid, and the ears on the dog you drew are unavoidably rabbit like.  But if you don’t panic, you’ll soon be in the flow of things.  You can let your mind be at ease, and let the crayon gods speak through you.  Close your eyes, even.  See what they might want to tell you and the people around you.  Before you know it, you might have something like this:


which is really just their way of saying


By Friday, when you open your eyes again, you’ll see them.  Your friends, old and new, surrounding you with smiles, phone calls and warm pats on the back.  Then you’ll look down and see what you drew.  But, far from feeling embarrassed, you can just tip your hat to those crayon omniscients and keep the green and orange ones handy for the next time there is something that you would rather not ask for but that you nevertheless need.

Horoscope for 1 May 2009

It’s May Day!  Sound the bells!  You may feel awash with weariness, one thousand per cent glad that the week is drawing to its close.  You may want to sit and crankify in a corner, developing an over-hanging upper lip and a penchant for saying “If I had my way.”  You may prefer to think yourself misunderstood when in point of fact, you’re just feeling sour.  And I know, you have good reason.  But smell the rain in the air, touch the chill breeze with your fingertips, remember the colour of red by seeing it in your own frosty nose, and laugh, come on, why not?  Laugh, because it’s the end of the week, and you don’t have to be the King of Cranks if you don’t want to.  You’ve got five minutes to have a good wallow.  Then off with you, to the place you know you belong, the throne room in a field of roofless flowers.

Horoscope for 30 April 2009

Bouncing from morning through to noon today, you’ll see the balls everywhere.  Coy, shy, little spheres, making their way from ceiling to floor just for the joy of flight.  Big, ponderous, ballooning bubbles, with snaking noses and giant eyes, sloping the path to the water cooler.  Booming baubles bristling with brightness, bustling from the bathroom to the balcony to see the blue of the sky.  They’re your newest friends in the game of imagining your way through to lunchtime between task lists and emails and what-all’s-next.  After lunch, as the day winds towards the end of working hours, your rotund lil’ buddies will take it slow, shifting their weight to the pool-side of the day, taking longer sips from taller glasses, offering you snacks and smoothies.  Don’t worry; it’s ok to take their food.  Smarties and jaffas are only the tip of the iceberg of the goodness of round things.

Horoscope for 29 April 2009

It’s Wednesday, known as hump day to many, some for reasons beyond the appropriate language for this blog.  You may be feeling tired today, but do not despair: no matter how little sleep you have had, and how much work you have yet to come, the day can be punctuated, pocked full of tiny little holes of sunshine and camaraderie, all of which go towards making things more light than dark.  There is definitely time for that cup of tea, and if you slow down for a few minutes to say hello to someone you like, not just someone you have to like, it will work wonders for your temper. You know, sometimes you’re bound to feel small, weary, another traveller on a long, straight road.  But look out: the most lovely of things will happen to you, out of the blue, blowing your certainty out of the water and sending you right back into the twist and twirl of the possible.  Make sure you come prepared today with an open heart and a pair of ear-warmers, because the roof could fall at any time, bringing you the sky.

Horoscope for 28 April 2009

It’s a day of liberation.  Free the feet from their sandals!  Free your neck from its collar! Muddy, wet grass, leaving marks on your ankles; a string of paper dolls around your neck, daisies flung upon your hair.  Don’t look twice, there is too much to do!  Everywhere you go today, there will be someone for you to emancipate.  The colleague who sits across from you in the open office space; he needs to be freed from his crippling fear that his personality makes people not like him.  Go up to him and offer him a chocolate; the shy smile of disbelief will be its own reward.  And the girl who serves you coffee, slightly bitter from her own crankiness.  Tell her, go on, tell her whatever you like – tell her you like her necklace, just tell her before she makes the coffee, and you’ll taste the difference for yourself.  Everywhere, swarms of beings just waiting for you to set them free.  Grab your chain-cutters before you head out the door, and go, go, go!

Horoscope for 27 April 2009

Monday, Monday.  A minute, a second, a nanosecond passes, and suddenly, it’s a new week!  A new…leaf!  A new take on life!  Maybe it’s been a while since you could last afford a new pair of shoes.  Maybe the best you can do to mark the transformation is wear your hair to the other side.  But as you keep flicking your head to keep it in position today, you might notice, out of the corner of your eye, something you’ve never seen before, used as you are to turning the other way.  What is that flicker of colour?  Could it really be…yes, don’t question it. It’s true!  Kiss the air: a pair of lips may be waiting for you where you barely dared imagine they might be, in the hidden place between surprise and meant-to-be.

Horoscope for 26 April 2009

A beautiful day for a beautiful face.  Hear that, in the distance?  The faint sound of pipes, weaving their way into your sub-consciousness, reminding you of fields, and daisies, and all good things that can take you out of doors, away and along a path to beyond.  After you morning shower, after your morning newspaper, after your morning coffee, pause.  Take heed.  They are singing your song.  Shoes, door, out, up.  Now you can feel it: the breeze in your hair, the rose in your cheek.  Now you can smell it: the dew on the grass, the sun on the earth.  This World is yours, all yours, yours for the taking.

Horoscope for 25 April 2009

Already, your day is looking up.  Your sleepy eyes will open to the chime of bells tinkling as if attached to tiny shoes trotting away from your bedside.  Don’t roll over too fast – you don’t want to disturb the elves that visited you whilst you were in the land of dreams, smoothing out the lines on your forehead, blowing away the noise of the week, things to get done, your boss’s view of you, suspicions over who has been stealing your milk form the office fridge… Look!  The world has been made anew, and you are the leading light in it!  Come now, out of bed.  Stretch those arms above your head; even the knots in your shoulders want to be in some lighter place, and you have the power to let their dreams become reality, just by reaching for the stars and wiggling your toes.

Horoscope for 24 April 2009

Today is Friday, which speaks for itself.  When you get up today, you might feel a slight tickle in the back of the throat.  That’s the premonition of laughter, later to come.  As you walk to the bus or the car (or the scooter, or the train), you’ll almost trip over your tricky feet – that’s because they are getting ahead of themselves, following the beat of music as yet unheard.  And when you cross the threshold of your office building, you’ll catch your eyes on a glint, a flash, a slither and shimmer, and you’ll practically feel the sequins slither against your skin.  You’re the queen of the night, and it’s only 9.00 am.

Horoscope for 23 April 2009

It’s a Thursday in the year 2009.  Who would have thought it would ever be the year 2009?  And yet here you are, sitting in front of a glowing screen, reading about your future, when you already live in the future.  This time twenty years ago (if you were alive that long ago), you may have tried to imagine what your day would be like, on just such a Thursday.  Maybe you were going to be wearing light aluminium wings, your feet never touching the ground until bedtime.  Maybe you imagined yourself signing letters with a nod of your head in the general direction of the intended correspondent, the imprint of your personality reaching them across the ether through the merest of gestures from your head.  Maybe you saw yourself drinking coffee looking over the sea, things being little different to how they were in the year 1989 except for the numbers on the calendar and the greyness in your hair.  

Today will be none of these.  Today will be all of them.  Come on now, and fly with me.  My wings are the ones with the pink sequins on the outer edge.  I know that’s not good for the laminar flow, but it’s good for my soul.